Keeping the love alive among OFWs

Keeping the love alive among OFW's. by Nixon A. Canlapan

Thursday, 22 July 2010 18:11 Originally published in Journal Online

Keeping the love alive for couples living continents apart is one of the trials overseas Filipino workers and their families in the Philippines must have to hurdle. Stories of broken families and failed long distance relationships are no longer new among migrant Filipinos. The pain of the absence of a lovedone has become unbearable to some and has even caused broken hearts and homes to many. This is the common fear of those who, for the first time, would have to live without the comforting arms of their relatives and friends in a foreign soil where culture and traditions are vastly different from where they come from. Broken vow Erlinda (surname withheld upon request), 34, and mother of two, said she and her husband got separated when she found out that her husband had impregnated his housemate in Dubai. Erlinda only learned about her husband’s infidelity when her friend saw him in a province in the Philippines where his supposed “other woman” lives. Shock overtook her when she discovered that her husband went home in the Philippines because his lover would give birth to their first child. When she confronted him, he confessed that he and her lover got married in Dubai. The two separated with nothing left for Erlinda but the broken promises of a brighter future for her family. A need for strong relationship Manny Garcia, famous author of Kapeng Arabo, a book about life in the Middle East, said there could be truth to the saying that “distance makes the heart forget.” “If the relationship is not that strong, it is doomed to fail,” he said. He added that in his years of stay in Saudi, he has seen the collapse of many relationships because of extreme loneliness on the side of the migrant worker. This, he said, is one of the reasons why Filipino workers opt to look for companionship that often ends up in an illicit affair. “Maraming tukso kapag wala ka sa tabi ng minamahal mo,” he said. He said this is one of the sacrifices an OFW has to face. “Pero kahit naman ang mga naiiwan sa Pilipinas ganun din. Marami dito ang nagpapakamatay sa kakatrabaho, to the extent of sacrificing their own happiness para sa pamilya, nila pero ’yung mga iniiwan nila naman ang hindi makatiis at nagkakaroon din ng mga affairs,” he said. “Kapag nasa abroad ka, you have to spend the rest of the day killing time. Let’s say you work only for eight hours; you still have 16 hours to kill. Kapag nag-iisa ka sa apartment o kapag magkakasama kayo sa iisang apartment o compound, kayu-kayo na lang ang nagpapalitan ng sama ng loob na madalas na-dedevelop into something deeper than friendship,” he said. “But this is not always the case, meron naman tayong mga kababayan na talagang wala nang inisip kundi ang kapakanan ng pamilya nila. Hayun, madalas nasa harap ng internet at kausap ang pamilya,” he said. He said the advent of the internet has somehow lowered the number of broken Filipino families. He said the internet has huge advantage for both the OFWs and their loved ones. “Mas madali na ngayon ang communication between two parties,” he said. He said families of OFWs must invest in computers. “Letting your love ones know you care for them is just one click away,” he said. Derek & Cynthia: For the love of Cynrick Frederick Bonifacio, an artist and photographer, said when his wife Cynthia had decided to go to Italy to work, he prepared himself for the prospect of living alone and by playing a mom and a dad in raising their only daughter Cynrick, 8. He said it was hard at the beginning but now that the internet is available, he finds it easy to make her feel closer to home. He said he always makes sure that he would send message of love to his wife “to make her feel that she is important in my life.” “When we talk, I always assure her that everything is alright and that I and our daughter miss her and always pray for her,” he said. He said he always sends her photographs of their daughter and always makes sure that she would get the latest news about the progress of their child in school and that she is always in good health. “Masakit nang umalis siya, pero I know that she also needs to grow at alam ko rin naman na para sa pamilya namin ang ginagawa naming sakripisyo. Napag-usapan namin na one day, baka sumunod kaming mag-ama sa Italy para magkasama na kami doon,” he said. He said his wife will come home for a vacation. He expressed his and his daughter ‘s excitement over his wife’s homecoming. Nestor & Leila: Always the 1st time Nestor Faustino met her wife, Leila, a nurse at King Faisal Specialist Hospital & Research Center, in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, when they were both new in the Middle East. They eventually got married and are now celebrating their 25th anniversary. They were blessed with three beautiful daughters – Lanie, 23; Anna Coritha, 20; and Neslie, 17. Nestor said it was love at first sight in a land where you find happiness by meeting fellow Filipinos. “I was madly in love with my beautiful wife and until today, the light in our hearts continues to shine for each other,” he said. He said, they went back home for good in 1996, but Leila returned to the same company in Saudi Arabia in 1998. He said Leila comes home every six months “as if there are always special occasions in the house.” “We make sure that everytime she goes home for a vacation, she is always warmly welcomed. And for the two of us, it is always a honeymoon,” he said. And how does he keep the music playing? “We both have trust on each other. We love each other very much,” he said. Joseph & Marieta: Communication is key Marieta Prenda, whose husband has been working for seven years as a seaman, said they too had a hard time adjusting to living alone oceans apart. She said she too had a night of longing which always ended up in tears. However, she knows that her husband left to give their two children – Vince and Kyla – the best education they could have. She said: “Binubuhos ko sa mga anak ko ang pagmamahal ko sa husband ko.” She said before her husband decided to work on a foreign ship, they discussed the situation intensely. “We agreed to stick to our marriage vows; that everything we would do is for the future of our children. We know that we have a moral obligation to raise our children,” she said. While she, too, has her own work, she said it is not enough to sustain the family. Her husband’s sacrifices are now bearing fruit as they have already built their own dream house. After this, she said, “mag-iipon na kami ng pampuhunan kahit sa maliit na business lang muna. Kaya nga bago siya umalis alam na niya where the money should go. Gusto kong malaman niya na ang lahat ng pinaghihirapan niya ay may patutunguhan. Ayokong isipin niya na napupunta sa wala ang perang ipinapadala niya sa aming pamilya niya,” she said. She regrets that there are many families who suddenly feel they are rich just because they have relatives working abroad. “They spend unabashedly without thinking of their loved ones na nagpapakahirap sa abroad. this will never happen to me,” she said. She gives these tips to couples who are worlds apart to keep the good music playing. 1. Always open the line of communication – She said it is important that couples must find ways to communicate to each other. 2. Make her or him feel mportant -- When you talk to your loved one make sure that they are important. “When I talk to my husband, I always give him the best news as possible. Ayoko nang nag-aalala siya. I always make sure na puro magagandang balita ang natatanggap niya.” 3. Make everyday a brand new day – She said everyday must always be a new day. “Always look at the brighter side of life. 4. Pray to God – She said everytime she feels lonely, she talks to God and prays to Him for guidance. ©2010 THOUGHTSKOTO

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To Be Together, Here and Forever

We were joking one time while we are having a chat that mukhang nagpapagandahan daw kami ng post about sa theme ng PEBA nila NJ of Desert Aquaforce, Nebz ng Isla de Nebz, Pope ng Palipasan, at ang Thoughtskoto. Nagtatawanan kami kasi sa totoo lang, nagbabakasali kaming madamay kayo, at magpost rin sa mga blog ninyo. Mukhang parinig, mukhang nagmamakaawa, mukhang naglalambing, pero ang totoo, nakikisuyo ako sa inyo! Hehe. Support PEBA. Blog about the theme!

It's funny how dito sa blogosphere, napakaganda ng samahan ng mga OFW bloggers. Sabi nga ng isang kasamahan ko, nagwoworry siya dahil wala pang sumsali or nagpopost. Sabi ko, okay lang yan, I have experienced it two years na, yung iba, kinoconstruct pa nila ang mga thoughts nila, kumbaga sa english, "they're hammering" pa lang. At saka, we have until November, boy, that's a long way to go, and to think na we have had 42 nominees last year, we are expecting more than 50 now, and maybe more than that sa bloggers based at home(Philippines).

There a lot already filling up sa nomination form pero it takes times, and so grateful for many people na nagvovolunteer sa PEBA para gawin ang mga bagay for free para maging successful ito. Salamat po! Minsan wala na akong masabi kundi hindi matapos-tapos na salamat.

Anyway, naisip ko itong verses na nabasa ko kamakailan lang and I am sure medyo familiar kayo nito. I rephrase ko lang. Parang ang sabi is:

"What good is it for a man to earn the whole world and lose his soul."

Di ba, sikat na sikat ka, hinahangaan ka ng buong mundo, pero ang sama naman pala ng ugali mo, so what does it profit you? May kilala ba kayong ganyan. Ang dami kong kilalang ganyan, pero I am sure kilala niyo rin yang mga yan.

Now i-rephrase ko that sounds this way:

"What does it profit an OFW to earn so much, and build mansions and bungalows, or possesses million's in bank account and loses his family?"

It is what we call a reality check. A wake up call. Perhaps a friendly advise.

I remember one time, naalala ko lang, may offer sakin sa work. Sa Las Raffan daw sa Qatar. Laboratory Manager, tapos mga apat na chemist na puro din pinoy ang magiging tauhan ko. The offer is so enticing, 16,000 Qatari Riyal a month! That's equivalent to 200,000 pesos a month. Ang laki di ba, eh sa water treatment area sa isang power plant ng Shell at Chevron, so malaki talaga. Perfect na sana ang offer, except for one thing. Walang family status. So goodbye offer.

I am not easily blinded by the money that I will earn kung di ko makakasama ang family ko. Kanya-kanyang prinsipyo sa buhay pero may mga work talaga na walang kasamang family, and it really makes me sad. We are really symphatic ng wife ko sa mga singles na nagwowork lalo na sa Saudi. We know how difficult it is to live away from family. Buti na lang may internet, kaya sana isa sa mga pinopropose ko is batas na yung mga internet seller sa Pinas, pag OFW family ka, half lang ang babayaran mo para ang mga Pinoy sa abroad and sa Pinas will have the chance to to be connected even sa internet man lang. Kakausapin ko si Manny Pacquiao, kababayan ko yun eh. Pakipasa naman ng batas na yan, dong! hehe

Anyway, nalalayo ang usapan, balik, balik! May batas na daw sa Saudi na kahit di ka family status basta kaya ng salary mo, pwede mo dalhin ang family mo. Ikaw nga lang magpay ng Visa at plane ticket nila. Hmmn, magbloblog nga ako ng proseso paano mapapunta ang misis at anak sa Saudi, step by step, parang guide sa nomination, haha.

Whew, what I am really trying to say is that. Kung hirap talaga ang buhay at gustong guminhawa, okay abroad tayo. If madadala mo ang family mo, sige. If hindi, try to find ways na kahit man lang text at chatting, ure connected sa mga anak mo, lalo na sa wife mo, or husband mo. Let us remind each other na, we have 50 to 60 or maybe 70 years to enjoy life. Magkakalayo man kau ng pamilya mo, try to find ways na hindi masayang ang oras expressing love, discussing problems and concerns, and most importantly reminding each other of the love and faith you both have. Tell also the kids they are love, and that you missed them and that one day, you'll stay there for good.

Hindi tayo panghabangbuhay dito. Samin hanggat kasama ko ang family ko saan man kami mapadpad, okay lang. That's our promise. To be together, here and forever.

©2010 THOUGHTSKOTO

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Am I Really in Good Hands with Metrobank?

I must admit, I got sick and am tired of it. It's not the first time we encountered this problem from Metrobank. It's not also just me. So the next time Metrobank representatives will conduct a PDOS briefing, can we ask them this question, "are we really in good hands with your bank?"

My first encounter was July 2009. I blogged about that here.

My atm was not recognized when someone deposited money to my account. Take note that I've been using this account for 4 or more years. What happened was a nightmare to me. I can't believe that the thousands of pesos we deposited won't be credited to my account while the money transfers from Saudi says it's already there and that their system accepted the deposit. But anyway, to make the long story short, the transfer agency/bank from Saudi took back the money, gave it back to me in cold cash, with a charge. See. My money was there in the Philippines, say 200T, sleeping in Metrobank without earning anything for six months, and when I found out, they returned it back to me, and I paid the charges.

What is the matter? I thought they said, that if it's an OFW account, there is no maintaining balance, so how come my ATM was dead?! Was it dead because I don't have any activities with my money. I was so scared then that someone must have withdrawn those money that I worked like a carabao to earn.

Before we left Al Khobar last April, Metrobank offered us a promo. We will open a new account and we will get another ATM for free. We opened one for Mrs. Thoughtskoto, and decided that the other one is for my 2nd brother's family. My 2nd brother will also be going here to Saudi soon so thinking that he can transfer the money easily, we decided to grab the offer.

When we arrived in Manila, my 3rd brother, also an OFW in Dammam, who accompanied us on vacation has a Metrobank ATM also that he opened in Saudi. He tried to withdraw one time. The machine says, "your ATM is not yet active. Please contact your bank." The ATM bear the Metrobank Ayala Triangle branch in Ayala Tower One so went there. We were told that the activation needs to be done in the main office in Buendia, Makati. It cause us hassles, worries, and yes, again money. Along the way from Ayala Triangle to Buendia, I was telling my brother, never will I ever banked with Metrobank anymore!

Anyway, today early morning Mrs. Thoughtskoto went to St. Luke's Medical Center so Hevyn would have some thorough check-up. Thanks to St. Luke's accommodating doctors, there's three of them who took care of Hevyn, took her blood samples, Xray's and Urinalysis. Two days earlier they went to the Chinese General Hospital for check up, and Hevyn was on observation for symptoms of Dengue.

I talked to Mrs. Thoughtskoto just a while ago. She said Hevyn was negative for both Dengue and UTI, and that, she has only some viral infections and a mild tonsillitis. I sigh in relief and whisper thanks be to God. Last night, both of us, as parents was not able to sleep. It was the first time in my life that I feel helpless thinking of my girls in hopeless situation. It breaks my heart being far away. I feel like going back home, flying if I can.

A day before that, I deposited a certain amount to Mrs. Thoughtskoto's account, the Metrobank ATM we opened in Al Khobar. Today, when she tried to withdraw some money, (we have already deposited money there before, so there was cash for emergencies) it says that it needs to be activated! What taaaa...

Common, what is your problem Metrobank!? Do we have to go to your main office every time we open an account or ATM from here abroad!? We are in the middle of emergency here and we entrusted you with hundreds of thousands of pesos and all you've got to tell us is we should activate our atm first? Stop fooling people if you cannot give us an ATM that we can't use anytime! Okay? Yes, I am truly mad. Imagine the frantic feeling of a mother who have a sick daughter and is being treated and when she runs for money at the ATM, you would be told,

"hey, activate me first!"

I demand an explanation! Good for you Metrobank, my daughter was just fine. But I can't accept the experiences we have had in your bank! Not just once, but oh, twice to us, and my brother.

Is there any bank out there who don't have to give us headaches like this?

I said to Mrs. Thoughtskoto that I was terribly mad, and would like her to withdraw all the money from that account after activation, and throw that Metrobank ATM! I also advise my brother not to deposit money to the Metrobank ATM and instead throw it away!

Useless piece of junk!

We badly need the money for emergency and all you keep on telling us is to activate the ATM in your main office!

Now I know I am not really in good hands with Metrobank. I have to blog about it to warn other OFW's opening account from your bank, or they might end up the same experience with us. What if they're from Visayas, or Mindanao, do they have to come to your head office again and have it activated there? Foolishness!

Common, Metrobank people, answer that if you're really doing it right.

©2010 THOUGHTSKOTO

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"Stronger Homes for a Stronger Nation" - PEBA 2010 Theme

One of the best leader that influenced my life so much was a man named Gordon Bitner Hinckley. He said in several occasions that "the strength of a nation lies within the walls of its homes." I believe that with all my heart.

As we contemplate the PEBA theme for this season, I presented three different topics to 10 of the members of PEBA. I asked them to reply to me privately or in a thread. 7 out of 10 chose this theme.

" Strengthening the OFW Families: Stronger Homes for a Stronger Nation"

The theme construction was suggested by a woman-blogger who actively supports KABLOGS and PEBA as a volunteer.

Someone in the group warned us of the sensitivity of the topic. But we have to make a stand. We can't wait and watch at the sidelines while we know as OFW's, and we read as bloggers the terrible typhoon that is hitting the lives of fathers, mothers, and childrens related to OFW's. I am literally in tears for months of research about OFW families. I can linked you to hundreds or more post, news, forum topic and discussions about the broken marriages and destroyed families but so little, if there's any, solutions posed. The government who hailed the OFW as heroes for saving the economy doesn't even have a concrete program.

So today, we at PEBA is asking our representatives and senators and the new government to present a solid and lasting programs to save OFW marriages, to save the Filipino children's future. Some say this is a private and personal moral choices to make, yes, but it has also a national consequences. If this wont stop, the rising generations will be a product of broken families that are either addicted to alcohol or drugs, or do not want to go to school, or become a menace in the society. The rippling effect is unthinkable, the future is then bleak and could be a dismal failure. It all starts at the family. That's why if we have to strengthen a nation, we should begin from our home.

PEBA President NJ Abad of the Desert Aquaforce states if eloquently when he says in his formal opening entry of the 2010 season at the PEBA website

"PEBA’s 2010 Theme: An Out of the Ordinary Call

PEBA has witnessed the real life suffering and loneliness of the OFWs and their families and believes that strengthening the OFW families, strengthens the homes and the nation! Thus, this season’s theme of “Strengthening the OFW Families: Stronger Homes for a Stronger Nation” does not just momentarily fit the issue of hour but is a timeless subject that cannot be bound by shackles so long as there are OFWs out there.

Scores of blogs and articles have been written about the subject in the past but it seems that the government authorities remain clueless of solutions and action plans to abate the increasing number of broken families.

We cannot wait and just rely on our government to come to rescue of the OFWs families in crisis. As Pinoy Expats and OFW bloggers, we have the moral obligation to help and encourage one another in our own little ways. What we blog and write about may encourage a fellow OFW or a fellow blogger to save his marriage from falling apart… it may help one to keep the family intact.

What can we do as bloggers? The PEBA 2010 Season opens with not just the OFWs and Pinoy expatriates writing about the OFW families but will be joining forces with local bloggers who, in one way or the other, have been influenced by OFWs in their lifetime. The support of the local bloggers who are sympathetic to the OFWs cause will have that exponential effect of reaching and educating up to the grassroots level.

PEBA calls on the bloggers to write and post about topics on strengthening the OFW families, and their being miles away from each other. Topics may include family communication, family gatherings, parent-child coaching and counseling, assistance and support in children’s homework and projects, conference meetings with family members, online contact with families, pointers on cheap communication, etc. PEBA calls on the bloggers to write about what they are doing to strengthen their families despite the distance and their absence from home. PEBA calls on the bloggers to share insights, ideas, pointers and how to express love for their spouses and children.

PEBA will not just be an organization that will give annual awards for exemplary blogs but it will proactively act on issues that will make difference in people's lives, especially the young children, and the OFW's and their families."

"PEBA’s Call to our New Government Leaders and Private Sectors"

"OFWs are happy on the government’s appreciation of the billions of dollars that are remitted into the Philippine economy. Such acknowledgment must be placed in more concrete terms by giving more benefits and perks for the OFWs. Furthermore, PEBA calls on the new leaders to take a reality check on the OFWs and their families. PEBA calls on the government to take care and support the OFWs and their families by putting leaders – secretaries, labor attaches, consuls, and embassy officials who understand and are sympathetic to the plight of the migrant workers. Appoint new leaders who are mindful of the struggles and harsh realities in the life of OFWs and their families - leaders who have vision for the OFWs and their families.

To the private sectors that have benefitted from the sweat and blood of the OFWs remittances, PEBA calls on you to create and promote advocacy programs and projects and to fund social activities and values education workshops that will help strengthen the OFWs families."

We encouraged all our blogger friends and supporters to join in this season, and our previous winners to post about the topic in their respective homes/blogs. Together, let us create a collective voice that may the leaders of our lands will hear or read. Together let us make a difference to someone's lives that may save a marriage, a family, and the children's future.

©2010 THOUGHTSKOTO

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Contemplating on PEBA 2010 Theme

I met NJ of the DesertAquaforce last Thursday, this humble and very kind person I always admire and respect. He looks so healthy, vibrant and with a beaming face, he told me how he faithfully do his exercise daily. His doctor in one of the best medical hospital in the world, the International Medical Center was surprised. As we engaged in a quick chit-chat in the parking area, he said that atleast we are near to each other now, and so communication and decisions will be faster for PEBA. That leads me to think of a movie,

LOTR, The Two Towers. lols!

(that's NJ, pulling some boxes of shrimps for me, the famous and largest prawn company in the Middle East, grown in the Red Sea. I was actually taking picture of his awesome SUV! Where can I find a Toyota RAV4 black color here? hehe)

They have no plans in replacing the founding Chairman, so I told NJ that the president of PEBA is on a 5-years term with extension, so please, bear with us. lols again.

With Pete in Korea, and Nj and I are here in Saudi, Jigs and Noemi are the two left in Manila as representative of PEBA. But that is the wonder of this organization. Decisions and conferences are being held virtually - online, and yet it can make great and big things happen. That's PEBA. We did that two years before. We learn from it, and we are hoping that this will be the best compared to the previous PEBA events.

I am currently sitting in a veranda of an 8th floor in a condo unit at the heart of the historic city of Jeddah, I can see on a glass window the thousands of lighted homes, and its 9:30 in the evening. Nope that's not the building. The building behind this huge landmark of Jeddah. Thanks to Camera ni Cabrera for the photo, ninakaw ko lang, hehehe. Salamat Pepe!

We will have a meeting with Nj and the rest of the Jeddah bloggers this Thursday. Hope we can come up with something. I am sure it is one of the photo to be posted na naman sa KABLOGS and KABLOGS station!~ hehe. Sabi ni NJ, with Prawn in a box pa na freebies.

What's more exciting for this year for PEBA is that,

we will have a lot of preparation

have more sponsors

more freebies

and

there will be entries for top 10 blog entries for local bloggers or mga bloggers na nasa Pinas but with affinities or relatives na OFW's. They're the ones sympathetic to OFW causes. I am sure magshoot up na naman ang membership ng KABLOGS. hehe. Pre-requirement kasi na makasali is maging member ka ng KABLOGS or ma-iadd sa rooster ang blog URL mo. Then you can post an entry according or na may relation sa theme, display the nominee banner and wait for the awarding. You can come sa awarding and you'll be sure to bring home something, a dinner, a t-shirts and a lot of freebies. ehhehe.

Exciting! Ako din! Hope susuportahan ulit ng mga kaibigan namin by reposting sa mga blog nila ng opening ng PEBA 2010.

so... abangan!!!

©2010 THOUGHTSKOTO

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